Delta unveils revolutionary new seating chart

I’ve long considered Delta Air Lines to be the leader of its industry. They were the first to roll out the world’s largest wifi equipped fleet. They were the first major legacy carrier to move towards a revenue-based frequent flier program. And let’s not forget that they were the first to feature inventively-packaged tube-hummus in hundreds of SkyClubs across the country. 

And now, Delta Air Lines has once again sent its competitors scurrying to the R&D drawing board by unveiling a brand-new and game-changing seating chart.

Delta Air Lines wants to enhance the economy experience. Delta Air Lines refuses to settle for an industry-standard three-class economy system. Delta Air Lines is pure awesome, and so their economy cabin will now be separated into eight different versions of the same thing, ranging from “Economy Discomfort” to “Where is your god now? Economy” and a row that is so exclusively elite it is surreptitiously referred to as “Poop.”

Sarah Cooper at The Cooper Review has the latest:

Good job, Delta. Keep climbing™ indeed.

At press time, United Airlines was widely believed to be frantically brainstorming synonyms for “Agony” to launch their very own eight-class economy product.

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