I am proud to live in one of America’s finest food cities.  My friends and family would suggest that I spent my post-college, pre-child years direct depositing my paycheck at various restaurants.  They’re wrong, and crazy for suggesting that, of course, because everyone knows the Chase Sapphire Preferred pays 2X on dining and First Friday is coming up insert credit card link here.  When our daughter was born, I was fairly adamant that she was going to grow up a good little eater and we would get to go back to all of my favorite spots.  With some practical modifications, that has actually turned out to be a mostly true statement.

It bears mentioning that not all cities are the same when it comes to food culture.  Portland, on either coast basically, tends to lean toward serious food, sometimes refined, sometimes ironically rustic, and sometimes on a paper plate, with a welcoming attitude with respect to casual dress, kids, and pace.  Larger more traditional food cities like NYC, San Francisco, Chicago and DC will require a more careful approach.  As I figure out what I’m doing here, I will certainly start to include dining guides for the places we visit, but for now I thought it might be helpful to new parents and new family travelers to talk about how I gauge the kid-friendliness of a place.

Before we select, I have two hard and fast rules. The first is that we must promise ourselves to know our child and be realistic about the expectations of them.  The second is that we are not obligated to only eat at the hotel, fast food or chain casual restaurants.

Know Your Child

The anatomy of a good dining experience with your child hinges on knowing their routine.  Know when they eat and make sure you’re sitting down maybe 30 minutes prior to that, but definitely not walking through the door at 6 on the dot if he’s shoveling his dinner by that time each night.  Know the environments that she can and cannot handle – for instance, my daughter does really well with louder more chaotic places, so we use that to our advantage if we want to grab an early bite at a trendy spot.  Know what she will or won’t eat and make sure it’s accommodated at the restaurant – I have had great luck with slightly spicy, chicken-centric dishes, but far less so with red meat, for example.  Know what their day was like and if going out is realistic – our worst restaurant experience was when we had to leave Boda because she just wasn’t having it, and after the fact it was just not a good idea to go out to eat after her first day in a new classroom at day care.

Hotel Restaurants are a Solid Fallback, but…

Get out there and eat!  I love a good hotel breakfast.  In fact, we almost always start the day off at the hotel restaurant because it’s convenient.  Once you’re out for the day, though, only your guile, wit and sheer determination will be the difference between an acceptable feeding at TGIChiliBees or a memorable meal authentic to your current destination.  Like calculus and Beast Ice, you can’t go in with a defeatist attitude or it’s not going to happen.

The Plan of Action

First, be realistic about what your child will eat.  Maybe it’s a third rule, but I do not expect restaurants to accommodate my child off-menu.  It’s nice if they ask, but I go in there with the expectation that I’m ordering her something.  It doesn’t necessarily need to be a kids menu, either, but you need to build to that.  I happen to think we limit our kids’ food choices more than they limit themselves, so work your way up to adult foods at home and see how it goes.  If your two year old likes her Thai food spicier than my wife does, the range of choices just expanded.

Second, do your research however you normally would and decide where you’d like to eat, incorporating what you determined your child will eat in the step above.  Add in a dose of realism – delete from your list anything that involves a tasting menu, dress code and no-reservations-wait-outside-for-three-hours establishments.  You need to get in, sit, and order.  Two courses, maybe three if your child likes dessert as much as mine.  It’s going to be more rushed than you’re used to, but that’s okay.

Third, call the restaurant.  OpenTable and Yelp won’t solve this for you.  I usually try to explain what I’m going for to the person on the other end of the phone, that I’m looking to come in with a child, that she’s well behaved, will eat off the menu, etc.  If the reception sounds cold, it’s time to move on.  Another avenue is to ask if they have high chairs.  You would be shocked at the number of nicer places that do keep one – chefs and servers have kids too, and if at all appropriate, they eat in restaurants.  If the vibe sounds good, make a reservation and be on time.

Four, pack up and go.  Yup, gotta pack for this one, too.  We bring The Bag in case we need distractions.  I’m not just trying to wring every drop of usefulness from that post, either.  Add to it the cups your child will drink out of – a high chair doesn’t mean they have sippy cups.  Bring silverware, too.  My daughter thinks having her “little” silverware is great.  And here we go with every server on the planet flaming me, but bring snacks too.  Your choices could backfire so you need a Plan B that you know your child will eat.  For us, some cut up berries and a packet of peanut butter never get turned down.

Five, act like you want your child to act.  Greet the people helping you, be awesome to the server, clean up what your child drops on the floor and throw in an extra 5% on top of what you normally tip.  Like it or not, most servers don’t want a table with children, because most parents don’t treat them like you and I will.  Remember that you’re still on duty as a parent while you’re enjoying the meal.

Finally, be ready to abort at any stage in the process.  If an irreconcilable meltdown occurs, divide and conquer – one takes him outside, the other apologizes profusely to the server, asks to pack up to go, and pays the bill with a solid tip.  In my experience, nobody dislikes the child who melts down, they dislike the parent who ignores it.  If your distractions fail, it’s ok to leave.  It will happen from time to time, so learn from it and try again.

Above all, have fun.  Avoid the iPad if you can – include your child in the conversation.  Treat her like a full-fledged participant and she may just grow to like going out.  I’m not promising a perfect experience the first time or any time after that, but hopefully I am providing the tools and inspiring some confidence to give it a try.