As I’ve mentioned here before, my wife is from Nicaragua. Between being married to her and traveling down there, I’ve learned a bit about Nicaraguan culture. One difference I’ve noticed between them and us that I haven’t seen discussed elsewhere is what I call the putting-up-with-other-people’s-crap / not-giving-other-people-crap-to-put-up-with dichotomy. (Sorry for the overly technical language, and if you’re a cultural anthropology grad student, feel free to use that title for your thesis.)
What prompted me to finally write about the topic was this post over on Points With A Crew regarding a Jet Blue promotion that awarded passengers 25% off a future flight every time a baby cried. PWAC also reminded us of the ridiculous situation where parents handed out goodie bags to nearby passengers to show remorse for having contributed to the survival of the species.
What I’ve noticed is that when it comes to showing consideration for others, Nicaraguans (this may be generalizable to other Central Americans, but I don’t know for sure) place more emphasis on tolerating what other people are doing, while Americans think it’s more important not to give other people things to tolerate. I’ll give you a few examples of what I’m talking about.
Example one: the grocery store. If you’re going down the aisle at a grocery store and you see somebody blocking your way, what happens? A good percentage of the time, they will move out of the way before you get there. It’s just common courtesy, right? And if they don’t move before you get there, you’ll go up to them and wait for a split second to give them a chance to sense your presence and move. If that doesn’t work, you’ll politely say, “Excuse me!” and be on your way.
Americans instinctively have a certain awareness of where their body is in the context of a crowded situation. We have this awareness, as far as I can tell, because it’s good manners not to get in other people’s way. Nicaraguans, as far as I can tell, do not have this awareness. If somebody is in your way, you’re more likely to have to ask them to move because they are not paying attention to what you’re doing. Standing in the middle of an aisle and blocking it is perfectly acceptable behavior. The burden is on whoever needs to pass; if you need to get by, a simple “con permiso” will do.
Another example: when my wife was growing up in Managua, one of her neighbors had a bull–a fully grown bovine living in an urban area whose density is on par with that of, say, historic downtown Charleston, SC, albeit with one-story houses. In the United States there would be zoning laws to prevent this from even being considered, not to mention a homeowners association to levy a fine every day until the animal is removed. In Nicaragua? No big deal. It was a novelty for the neighborhood, sure, but aside from that nobody cared. If you didn’t like the bull, that was your problem.
Example #3: the nicknames thing. People down there routinely use physical features to address strangers. Vendors and others trying to get my attention can say “Hola chele!” which roughly translates as “Hi light-complected guy!” It would also be acceptable to say to strangers “Hola gordo!” (“Hi fat guy!”) or “Hola negro!” (“Hi black guy!”). But this sort of thing would not be acceptable in the United States.
People getting uptight over crying babies thus strikes me as a pretty American thing. (Do Europeans fret over this stuff? I have no idea.) Not too many Nicaraguans would get upset over a baby crying on a plane–this is what babies do after all–and besides, their neighbors back home are often playing loud music and setting off fireworks, so a crying baby is no biggie.
Americans, though… “There’s a baby! And get this: he’s crying! On a plane! No human being has ever suffered as much as I have!” You can tell from the sarcasm which side of the debate I’m on, and in fact if I were wealthy I’d fly colicky babies in first class on LGA-LAX flights purely out of spite, but when viewed through the not-giving-people-crap-to-deal-with filter, the complaint kind of makes sense. It’s ridiculous, mind you, but it makes a certain kind of sense. It’s great to be aware of others, and in fact it’s something my wife likes about American culture, but it’s also good to cut some slack to those around you.
Lack of self awareness is common in many parts of the 3rd World (and sadly all-too-often in the 1st World).
I think it boils down to a lack of self worth and esteem – you need to value yourself to behave in a respectful manner towards others.
As for babies on a plane, stay in the back with the rest of the rabble, if you must breed..This grossly overpopulated planet has no need of another entitled mouth to feed.
I *think* your find that the more Northern Europeans are more similar to us and the Southern more similar to Nicaraguans. I’d be interested to hear what others think, though. This is based on my experience living in the uk and some limited European travel with a baby and later with younger and older preschoolers.
I’d put Italy in the PUWOPC category and England in the NGPCTDW category.
Next time I have someone’s crap to put up with, I may use this idea to help myself get over it.
Recently visited Japan, and they are super strong on the NGPCTDW side of things. As applied to children, they lean strongly toward the ‘seen but not heard’.
It might be indicative that your wife appreciates the NGPCTDW approach. As an immigrant from a PUWOPC culture myself and having lived for long periods in both types of environments, I prefer NGPCTDW as it reflects a stronger social contract and safer life in general, with no discernible difference in freedom of expression.
Thanks for the link and that’s an interesting way to look at things. There’s been lots of good comments on the original post (including yours) and it’s been pretty civil for some reason?!!?!? 🙂
@Mser, I would dare say that the entitled mouth on your face would be less pleasant for me to deal with than any number of babies in first class.
The only time that a small person in first was ever an issue was when his parents were equally PIA entitled buttheads. The mother was actually louder and more obnoxious than the three year old, an accomplishment, to be sure.
“Don’t breed” is a facile and uninformed way of looking at the world. If everyone followed that advice, then there would be no new doctors, dentists, etc. No one to man the CSR desks when you call to complain about a baby in “your” F cabin.
Who are you to say persons of third world countries do not value themselves because they act different than you do? A lot cultures are very different in regards to personal space than your own. I bet you’re a Trump supporter.
“I think it boils down to a lack of self worth and esteem – you need to value yourself to behave in a respectful manner towards others.”
I think Europeans are perhaps more tolerant of children? Our kids have been to Europe several times under the age of 7. When our first daughter was a baby, Air France gave her a little AF teddy bear that she still has to this day. As toddlers/kindergartners, Air France, BA, and Air Europa gave them activity kits that had coloring pages, crayons/colored pencils, and maybe some other small things to keep them entertained. I think Qantas also gave us a similar kit when we visited Australia. Never had a similar experience on DL, UA, AA, US, or F9 – the extent of kid-friendliness might be a wings pin. It wasn’t like we were unprepared either, since we always carry an assortment of activities, books, snacks, and iPads to keep them occupied.
Yes (x10), to this: “This grossly overpopulated planet has no need of another entitled mouth to feed.”
.”When our first daughter was a baby, Air France gave her a little AF teddy bear that she still has to this day”
And shes 43 now.
I can suggest a good shrink.