SIOUX FALLS, SOUTH DAKOTA–After an on-again, off-again romance that spanned years, world famous blogger Brian Kelly, also known as The Points Guy, has finally tied the knot with his Chase Sapphire Preferred card.

The couple took their vows in a lavish ceremony attended by a who’s who of the points and miles world. Attendees included Daraius from Million Mile Secrets, Rick from the Frugal Travel Guy, Gary from View From the Wing, Matt from Saverocity, George from Travel Blogger Buzz, and JPMorgan Chase CEO Jamie Dimon. Mr. Kelly wore slippers from a Qantas first class amenities kit and a Ritz-Carlton bathrobe, while the Chase Sapphire Preferred Card wore an elegant RFID-blocking stainless steel credit card case.

The event was briefly disrupted when a disheveled Hawaiian Airlines® World Elite MasterCard® showed up, uninvited, and began shouting incoherently before being removed by security.

South Dakota, widely known as a bank-friendly state, is the only state that allows marriages between people and financial products. In a high-profile case, an anonymous blogger has recently petitioned the courts there to allow marriage to his Amazon Associates link.

After the ceremony was concluded, the entire party immediately jetted to Dallas for a reception at the Amex Centurion Lounge. For their honeymoon the happy couple will stay at Six Amazing Hotels You Must Visit On Points in South Dakota.

I received an odd message in my inbox the other day. The subject line was “Barclaycard Remediation Alert – Action Needed”. Here’s what it said:

You are receiving this email because you are being asked by BarclayCard US to investigate and resolve the compliance alert outlined below. Log and track your response directly into PerformMatch, compliance monitoring and remediation platform, by selecting an action below and logging into your FREE PerformMatch account. Learn More

This notice concerns issues that require correction on URLs that are being monitored by PerformMatch on behalf of Barclaycard.

The financial sector is highly regulated. It is imperative that references to products are factual, clear and accurate. Refer to the brand as Barclaycard not Barclay or Barclays or other variation.

Please take the necessary steps to correct these issues within 24 hours.

The “compliance alert” apparently came about as a result of this years-old post where–prepare to have your mind blown–I referred to Barclaycard as “Barclay’s”. Maybe they think I’m still marketing their cards, so they have leverage? Beats me.

I understand that big companies want to take care of their brand equity. But there’s a right way and a wrong way to do that in this situation. The right way is to email somebody and say “Hey–huge favor here–would you mind changing X to Y? I’d really appreciate it. Thanks!”

The wrong way is to intimidate and threaten with legal action, which is apparently the next step. I wrote to PerformMatch:

Hi, I have a question: what is the penalty for failure to comply with this email?

Their answer:

The standard procedure if the issue is not resolved is a cease and desist letter from Barclaycard’s legal team.

I wrote a follow-up question asking what the Barclay legal team thinks of the First Amendment, but I have yet to hear back. That is where things currently stand.

In the meantime, my blog’s new policy is to avoid using the phrase “Barclaycard” when referring to Barcleecard, aka Berkleycard, the former issuer of the USAir card and current issuer of a popular PFD advice columnist.

The PREMIER credit card, offered by First PREMIER Bank (the capital letters let you know they mean SERIOUS BUSINESS), is the worst credit card I’ve ever looked at. I doubt many of you will ever cross paths with it, nor should you. So why bother writing about it? Well, there’s been a lot of doom and gloom lately in the points and miles world, so I thought it would be a nice change of pace to look at an absolutely miserable card so that we can all be grateful for what we still have.

Premier Card Fees

What makes this card so bad is the fees. And I’m not talking about, say, the annual fee that you pay to get your free Priority Club hotel room. Nope, I’m talking about–for starters–the processing fee. What is a processing fee, you ask? The answer is simple: It’s $95! The processing fee is what PREMIER Bank (whose capital letters, you will recall, show that they mean SERIOUS BUSINESS) charges you just for the privilege of being approved for this card. But don’t worry: it’s a one-time fee. Whew!

You know what’s not a one-time fee? The annual fee. That’s right: on top of the “processing fee” you also have to pay an annual fee of $25 per $100 of credit line. So if you get approved for a $500 line of credit, you’ll have to shell out another $125 for the first year annual fee. And you don’t even get access to the PREMIER Bank Executive LOUNGE (it’s a serious lounge). But don’t worry: the annual fee drops to $49 after that.

But wait, that’s not all! You know how, in our world, the credit cards with annual fees tend to be pretty good and have some nice perks? Well, in the subprime world the pretty bad credit cards don’t just have annual fees; they have monthly fees. That $500 credit line will cost you $10.40 per month, or $124.80 per year. But don’t sweat it, PREMIER Bank is nice enough not to charge the monthly fee for the first year.

Cash advance fee? $6… or 5% of the amount, whichever is greater.

Additional card fee? $29

Credit limit fee? If you get your credit limit raised, you’ll have to pay 25% of any additional credit extended to you.

Need a copy of your statement? That’ll be $3, please.

And the interest rate on this gem? It’s 36%, which is much lower than the 80% interest rate it’s tested before.

Rewards

This card has no rewards.

Sign-up bonus

Again, nothing. Not even a bottle of soda.

How does this card compare with the Residence class aboard the A380 on Etihad Airways?

It’s much, much worse.

Should you get the PREMIER credit card?

No, you should not get the PREMIER credit card, because they mean SERIOUS BUSINESS. And their business is stealing from people who are dim-witted and/or desperate.

Time to pour out my heart and get some stuff off my chest. Here we go:

• I’ve only flown first class once in my life. And to think I call myself a points-and-miles blogger… the shame! A few reasons for this. First, I didn’t really start getting into points and miles until after our second kid (we’re now up to four) was born, and I’m not about to splurge on upgrades so that we can deal with tantrums in a slightly bigger seat. Also, most of the trips we’ve done the last several years have involved relatively short flights, the sort where the benefits of first class aren’t as pronounced as on, say, a trans-Pacific flight. And finally, and most importantly: if I spend more miles on a higher class of service, I’ll have fewer miles left for travel. Maybe some of you manufacture so much spend this isn’t an issue, but not me. And it’s not just my wife and kids I’m flying, either: in the last few years I’ve flown a dozen members of my wife’s family both domestically and internationally. Points and miles make family reunions much more affordable. Bottom line: first class trips to the Maldives bring the ratings and the oohs and aahs, but you should figure out what your goals are and do what’s right for you.
• I’ve only stayed in a hotel twice this year, both of which were overnight trips. This is my lowest in a while. It’s mostly a function of the fact that I’ve only taken a week of vacation this year since I’m saving it all for a big trip at the end of the year. And the one week I took was a vacation to a beach house with my parents and siblings. On the positive side, my points balances have grown this year. There would have been three hotel trips so far this year except that on one occasion where we were going to stay at a Hyatt I’ve been wanting to try out in a nearby city, three kids came down with ear infections right before we were going to leave. Fortunately Hyatt waived the 24-hour rule for us.
• I’ve never bought any points or miles. Well, I did it once actually: I bought a few thousand from Club Carlson in October so I could redeem and get my points down to zero. I feel like I should since so many bloggers talk about all the points and miles you can buy and what great values they are. Am I missing out? I don’t think so.
• I do not currently have a HAWAIIAN AIRLINES® WORLD ELITE MASTERCARD®. I feel like I should, but I haven’t had one in a few years. Mrs. PFD and I got them back when you could still do 1-for-2 on Hilton Points, back before that one Hilton HHonors DDevaluation. And speaking of the HAWEMC, I really feel like I should put some SEO effort into becoming page one on Google for this card. Wouldn’t that be hilarious?
• I had never had a Chase Sapphire Preferred until this year. It’s the ne plus ultra of credit cards (side note: is ne plus ultra the ne plus ultra of French phrases to work into your writing?), but I don’t feel like I missed out. Inks and Freedoms have sufficed.
• I have never bought a money order at a Walmart ATM. Just not my thing. Different strokes for different folks. I’ve spent time at that ATM for other reasons, though.
• I have never, in my life, taken advantage of a First Friday. Thank goodness we don’t have to hear about that nonsense anymore!