There are some bank bonuses I’ve meaning to get to, so it’ll be short and sweet today.

$150 FROM CHASE: Here you go. Requirements: “Deposit $100 or more within 10 business days of account opening; AND have your direct deposit made to this account within 60 days of account opening. Your direct deposit needs to be an electronic deposit of your paycheck, pension or government benefits (such as Social Security) from your employer or the government.”

$150 FROM FIFTH THIRD: Right this way. You’ll need three online bill payments and a direct deposit to earn this bonus. Note that 5/3 will also make a $150 donation to charity when you open the account.

$100 FROM M&T BANK: All you need to qualify for the bonus is “one direct deposit in the amount of at least $100 within 90 days of account opening.”

“I’M NOT DEAD YET!”: From Missouri comes this harrowing tale:

A Missouri woman sued her bank and a major credit bureau for declaring her dead and failing to correct the mistake.

Kimberly Haman, 46, filed the suit Monday in federal court in St. Louis against Heartland Bank and Equifax, the St. Louis Post-Dispatch reported.

She said both entities had declared her dead nearly a year ago even though she’s clearly not deceased.

“She’s contacting them, and saying, ‘Excuse me, I’m not dead.’ And even through that process, they continue to report her as deceased,” Haman’s lawyer, Sylvia Goldsmith, said.

Goldsmith said the mistake has prevented Haman from refinancing her mortgage twice, and she’s also been turned down for credit cards.