My friend Joe wrote a must-read post about what you can’t control once you become a parent. This week fate dealt my family a curveball I’m having trouble figuring out how to process. No one is in mortal danger. I should start with that. But I’m hoping that some of you more experienced parents have some insight to share.
I’ve written before about the importance of solo travel. I stand by my beliefs, but this week have had them tested. The funny thing is that I wasn’t even traveling solo. I took Deal Girl on a trip, and during the trip Deal Kid broke a bone. A pretty big one. He’ll be okay in a few weeks and honestly is taking all of this better than I am.
I seriously considered coming home early with Deal Girl but we were on a press trip which meant cancelling would have been both expensive and difficult. Unfortunately, Deal Dad also had can’t miss work obligations. Something had to give.
And this time it was Deal Dad that took one for the team. And there’s my guilt. Not only am I feeling guilt that I wasn’t there when Deal Kid was injured, I’m also feeling guilt that I wasn’t the one who had to bend.
Deal Dad was in total control of the situation. I had no reason to believe that Deal Kid wasn’t getting the absolute best care.
But I still have guilt.
I know it’s totally irrational. In 2017 fathers are just as capable and as responsible as mothers.
I just can’t shake the feeling that I should have been there.
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You did what you had to do. And Deal Dad got the opportunity to be the consoling and caring parent. With Deal Kid being the age he is, there won’t be that many more of those opportunities, because he’ll have a GF, or a wife to take that role.
So you did your husband AND your son a favor: let DD take that role, and let DK enjoy him in it.
I was on a business trip when my youngest was a senior in HS. He slipped on the icy driveway while pulling on his backpack, and ended up breaking his collarbone when he fell with both his and the pack’s weight on it.
Husband got him to the ER, got him admitted for surgery the next day. I DID leave early, but in the sense of at the end of the work day, rather than the next morning. Kiddo did fine, Husband (who is a stepdad) got to learn that he’s good with emergencies, and we all were OK.
Thanks, MickiSue. Deal Dad said it was a strange kind of bonding experience. I guess it’s the beginning of the painful process of letting go.
This all makes perfect sense to me. You were both working and had obligations / responsibilities, so there was no perfect solution. I’m sure it’s been “your turn” plenty of times in the past and will be your turn again in the future. That’s what teams and partnerships are all about, no?
Wishing a speedy recovery to Deal Kid…
Frankly, that’s why I’m surprised over my visceral reaction. I know all this to be true, but this is more of a primal belief that Moms nurture and Dads provide. I didn’t know I still had that retro stuff buried in me.