Somber thoughts on Passing Away Overseas

[plane2port]

We just got back from a week in Montreal babysitting our young grandson. Our daughter-in-law’s father had passed away in Costa Rica, and she and her mother needed to fly down there and make arrangements to fly him home for the funeral. The logistics of doing this are monstrous, and the only pleasant thing about the trip was a beautiful beach-side tribute. His friends gathered at the beach at sunset, and tossed flowers into the surf in his memory. It was a fitting ceremony to honor his life, and his passing.

Under the somber and frigid Montreal skies (7 degrees F) Bruce and I discussed what we would do if and when we were faced with the other’s death in a foreign country. I am not one to plan for every travel contingency, but considering the amount of time that we spend out of the country, I think the likelihood that one of us dies overseas is actually quite high. We have decided that we will be cremated in the foreign country, and then fly the ashes back to the US for a family ceremony. We have given permission to each other that the return of ashes is not necessary, and if the other wants to scatter the ashes in a beautiful location, then they may do so.

 

[Voyaging Doc]

I wholly agree. Sorry for your loss. Most communicate their plans of death, sickness, wealth distribution during advanced age but it is important to discuss this early and up front. The hardest part of my job is seeing family fight over maintaining life support of a (relatively) young patient in a coma with no hope for meaningful recovery because they are not aware of the patient's wishes or if they place their own wishes ahead of the patient's.

 

[smittytabb]

Sorry for your family's loss. This post provided an alternative I had not considered or mostly hadn't thought about. My focus had always been on where my ashes would be taken to, but not the fact that having the cremation done on the ground in another country would make everything so much easier if I were to die overseas. My personal wishes to have family members take my ashes to other continents may or may not be workable or even legal. So making it known that I would not want my body moved and all the hassle that would entail is an important piece. It's not an easy thing to consider, but I appreciate your sharing this @plane2port so that others could be aware of this option.

 

[ElainePDX]

My condolences to you and your family. May his memories serve as a blessing to all who will remember him.

A friend lost her husband after he slipped and hit his head while in Antarctica. He was fine for a few days and then died on board a cruise ship. It was really an awful experience. No one could have foreseen such an event though in retrospect it is not completely unlikely. Planning a bit for the "what if's?" is truly a wise approach.

 

[plane2port]

Thank you everyone for your kind words. I really didn't expect to receive comments on this thread because the topic is not as much fun as some of the things we discuss elsewhere in these forums. I really appreciate it.

 

[MickiSue]

Hope your daughter's family is getting some solace from the beauty of the ceremonies.

Both Husband and I want to be cremated, so that's a foregone conclusion. But neither of us has really talked about the where and the how for the disposal of the ashes.

Obviously, it's not only enough to tell each other what we want; we also need to let the kids know. Thank you for bringing up this important subject.

 

[BuddyFunJet]

My condolences as well.

When my brothers passed abroad (one in India and another in Thailand), I learned that along with the final remains arrangements, there are some paperwork issues that must be addressed. It is easier to do if you are in the country to make arrangements.

To file for estate administration, claim life insurance, deal with bank accounts and such, you will need MANY original death certificates from the country where the death happened. Since these are in a foreign language, you will also need MANY originals of a Consular Report of a Death Abroad that you get by filing the death report from the country along with other info related to the passing with the American Embassy. The funeral home, if in an area with many expats, will know how to do this but you might need to look up the specifics if the passing happens in a place without many foreigners.