I’ve been hearing a lot of the same questions recently when it comes to money and investment strategy, it is most evident in couples, but is equally present in single people. I’ll focus on the couple scenario since that is an easier way to highlight the battle which is present in everyone.
The question I am constantly asked is ‘how can I make her invest in X?’ within a relationship it is likely that one partner is more aggressive than the other when it comes to investment strategies. It would be fallacious to state that this is a gender rule, it is more of a personality rule. Some people, male or female, gravitate to certain strategies, some are more risk tolerant, some more risk averse. The interesting challenge is when one half of the equation has a position where they seem to be technically correct, and yet they cannot convince their partner that this is the right strategy.
Rock, Paper, Scissors.
If you remember the game, Rock blunts Scissors, Paper wraps Rock, Scissors cut Paper. When it comes to money there is a similar pattern, though it can be simplified to Emotions beat Logic. One way to consider being in a relationship is to think that the other person can vocalize an aspect of your psyche that otherwise may have been overruled. In order to find alignment it is key to include that dissenting voice, not override it. When you have a Logical ‘winning position’ that does not factor in the Emotional response to the process, you will not find long term success, the lack of alignment will be a constant battle.
Going Backwards to Progress
If you find yourself in a theoretically perfect position that is facing resistance, it is likely that there are emotions attached to the decision that are negative. For example, if you receive a windfall and one partner wishes to keep the money in cash, whilst you know that doing so will make it decay through the impact of inflation, and lose out on the upside of investment in the market, fighting your point logically will never succeed. Even if you think you have won the battle with logic, you have not won the war which is aligning your goals with your partner.
If you find yourself in a position where your partner appears to be unreasonably resistant to a logical investment choice it is most likely that some event in the past created a position of fear. It could be directly financial, such as a sibling who gambled their way into debt, or it could less direct, such as the financial impact on the family after the divorce of their parents.
It is incredibly empowering to explore these facets of your partners life, and its impact on them today, in doing so you cannot approach this with an agenda to ‘win’ the argument – there is a real win involved, but it is in creating an aligned approach to life, that perhaps is a little less aggressive than you had in mind, or the theoretical perfection, but is a little more than your partner originally would concede. This trust that is built from exploring the past will set you on the right path for success.
Sometimes, it is small victories that matter, and the real ones are when you can find a lifelong alignment on emotional issues, that will be the stepping stone to financial decision making. I truly believe that similar introspection for the self can create this empowered position, so whilst it can be instrumental in creating a healthy relationship, it can also be the key to self enlightenment and success. Next time you find yourself in conflict in a seemingly logically correct position take the opportunity to explore the emotions that underlie resistance, it will be an empowering moment.
Leave a Reply