Sunday Reader Question – Will a United agent have Phone Sex with me?

Yesterday we moved again, for the penultimate time this year. Slow closings will do that to you.  During these times my posts can drop off a bit, but I do try to respond to emails as much as possible.  The issue I sometimes face with replying personally is that people start relying on you for every little question, so perhaps by addressing some in post form others can benefit from these pressing concerns also.

Reader B asked me how to book saver awards with United, and if doing so was a good idea.  There is some concern for beginners that if you book a low cost award your ticket can be usurped by those paying full points price in the form of a standard award.  Rest assured, once you have your ticket confirmed from the airline it doesn’t matter how many miles you paid; as long as that matches the award chart of course! B procrastinated, and then found that if you book close in (within 21 days of departure) that you get an extra fee, of $75 added.

Many, but not all airlines do this, notable exceptions seem to be British Airways, Delta and Alaska (though I have only booked on BA so am not overly concerned about the accuracy of the others) unfortunately, United does charge this fee.

Reader B asked me if the fee could be waived, to which I said no, unless you have status with the airline.

Reader B then asked me if the fee could be waived if they called in to book.  To which I wrote this post.

Social Engineering is critical

I understand that people like to share stories via the forum to say which airlines would waive a booking fee, or which credit card waives their annual fee, but you shouldn’t let these things rule you.  Everything is possible with the right social engineering.  Going into a situation too locked into a data point like ‘Brian got the fee removed’ or ‘Bobby could never get the fee removed’ traps your mind into a certain expectation.  It weakens you.  Don’t get me wrong, in a negotiation, it is important to have facts and back story – but too many people will use these as black and white rules rather than nuances of color, and the ‘facts’ that they have will shape the outcome.

Warm, and Cold Negotiations

I consider a warm negotiation something that I have done before successfully.  For example, I have negotiated with an airline agent at British Airways to remove a telephone booking fee in the past, so I know it works and can work towards a repeat.  I understand that this seems to contradict the former paragraph, but the difference is whether you can engineer something, not whether someone else has succeeded or failed.  A cold negotiation is something that you have never done before, and may have no information on.  Some examples of this occurred in Africa, once to pass a border without the proper visa, and once to enter a country without proper proof of vaccinations.

A cold negotiation is interesting because it is the other party that has the knowledge of the scope of their role.  They know the rules better than you, and they also can decide to break them for you if they are sufficiently motivated to do so.  This is like diving into a dark pool, because you don’t know where the bottom might be, or how long you will be under.  It is important because that means you have to have a fixed goal in mind, but allow the others to blow past it if they should.

First, Second and Third Person

• First Person I, me, we, us
• Second Person: You
• Third Person: he, she, they, them

The art of negotiation is to discuss in the third person.  Terms like ‘I would like’ don’t work well, they are confrontational, and even in a position of power can form a wall between you and the facilitator.  Using ‘We’ and trying to align with the other party ‘against X’ can work well too, but you have to be careful that it doesn’t look like you are sucking up to them or trying to manipulate them, heaven forbid!

At my border crossing I was ‘told by someone that it was ok, he said, that X’ and I was ‘meeting someone on the other side who was expecting us at Y’.  This puts a push pull pressure, and I am just stuck in the middle, the implication then is, how can you help me.  Similarly with fees.  I would never say ‘I want you to remove this’ or ‘I know YOU can remove this’ my phrasing would be ‘I tried to book it with they (they often being the website, that crapped out) but it wouldn’t work’.  I would book it with they if it wasn’t broken, and I tried for 2 hrs!’

Some people think negotiation is evil

I have been admonished in the past for negotiating things, because some people think you should just pay the price you see.  I can appreciate that, but I think I have a little gypsy blood in me somewhere, and if I think a rule is unfair, for whatever reason, I will attempt to change it.  By the same token, when I think something is fair I will not.  I also tell people when there is a mistake price, especially small businesses.

For the close in booking fee at United, is it wrong to call in and explain to them that you were procrastinating and can they waive it? Is it more wrong if you use skillful engineering to allow that person to see the problem more clearly, side with you and make an exception?  The lesson is that everything is possible, and while it is helpful to see other success stories to bolster your confidence, know that just because one person failed, or another succeeded, should not matter.

Lastly, understand that when you attempt to negotiate somethings, they could go wrong too.  Just like a game of deal or no deal you can open up the potential for a worse than par situation.  Because I crossed a border without the right paperwork doesn’t mean that you can do so without being arrested.  Know the risks and the rewards and tread carefully.  Regarding phone sex, hey, I am sure that there are the right two people out there to make this work, but I wouldn’t recommend calling in and trying.

Note that I have not been asked about phone sex yet, but I thought to help address several future questions in this one post.