You’ll have to excuse a slightly erratic posting schedule. We left our home in Brooklyn yesterday morning at 7:30am, and we became parents before 9am. That was quite the car ride, let me tell you. It’s a busy week, we were also supposed to vacate said home at 10am yesterday having sold the property, but we managed to push it a week as traffic was heavy and I didn’t think I could make it back in time to close.
Be prepared for sporadic, erratic and anything else that ends in a ‘ic’ for bit. And this post will kick things off. I hope the travel community that follows the blog can see where I am coming from, and where I am going with the story I share tonight, as it is a little more… esoteric than some.
Tonight, before returning home I spent an hour holding my new baby and thinking what new parents think. How I hope he doesn’t turn out ugly, how he better be able to sleep somewhere other than on my belly, how he better start figuring out how to wipe his own arse soon, and how I want to make him the best man he can be.
I tried to think about teaching him to be strong. I cast my mind back to the times in my life where I became strong as a man, I had never left home (a smallish town in Wales) before, and I took a job in Texas. The change of location was easy enough as we had moved a lot as a family in the UK, but the immersion and isolation that crossing the Atlantic solo can convey is a powerful thing. I learned a lot about independence there. The next thought was in Japan. We moved there and lived in a cheap apartment provided to Allison as part of her job, the town was called Tanashi, which had Kanji roughly representing ‘the land of no rice‘ which in a part of the world where rice is held in higher regard than gold is saying that it was quite a shit pit.
Those early days in Japan were hard on me. I took a job that pushed against everything I was comfortable with, it needed telephone sales, lots of them. Every call had to perfect (to me) and after every single rejection I had to make another perfect call. The key to success was never to bring ‘baggage’ into the next call, because no matter how you felt, the next person could be the perfect match. Ichigo Ichie, is the term in Japanese, one moment, one opportunity. It didn’t help that I was, and still am, somewhat averse to using the telephone as I feel that I am always interrupting something important when I call someone.
I remember the commute vividly. There was a giant billboard advert in Shinjuku San -Chome that had the typical Japanese sexy salaryman holding up a cup of coffee, or a mint or some nonsense… the vivid part were the words. Fight. Everyday. Today, as I gazed at my son, this concept of fighting through my weaknesses, and being strong, yet not allowing that strength to impact the delivery of my job and those sales calls is what I would want to teach him. To be strong. yet flexible.
To teach strength poorly, teaches single-mindedness and that is actually a negative thing. At least it is to me. The true strength is being able to absorb many things, and know when to flow with rejections, know when to push back a little bit, and know when to let something that isn’t right pass by, without it slowing you down or denting your confidence. Being strong isn’t about winning, it is about accepting defeat when necessary, and refusing to accept it when it is not.
In Japan, Bamboo is recognized for such characteristics. Indeed, in Zen drawings Bamboo is the epitome of strength, it is strong, yet flexible, and empty inside- reflecting the concept of zero-ness, and not bringing baggage with you. It’s presence in such artwork is not just for scene setting, but it is a reflection of concepts that the plant represents.
For those looking for a little more directness from a post, the strength we seek is to be consistent to our values and our goals no matter what should transpire. The flexibility is knowing when to walk away from a transaction, without attachment to that goal, and move onto the next one without bringing the baggage of past failure with us. I am not sure if this can be taught in words. Instead, it must simply be lived by those who would steward, in the hope that some might follow in those footsteps.
Ah, Matt. Deep thoughts for a new dad.
Congratulations to both you and Allison. Savor the days and nights with him. All the firsts have just begun.
Congrats Matt!
Congrats to your family. Everything is gonna change 🙂
I love the bamboo metaphor. You will be one terrific dad.
echo what Elaine said!
Congratulations 🙂
Congratulations to you both. Enjoy the journey
Congratulations! I try to instill the concept of ‘life is change’ into my daughter and try to always remember the same for myself. Every cliche about parenting you’ve ever heard is real – your life has completely changed, again.
A beautiful and elegant post, Matt. Thank you for posting.
Thanks for the kind words everyone, we are really excited, and soon to be really tired too 🙂
When you are walking the floor in the middle of the night, or dealing with the “terrible two”s, or wondering how to cope with a rebellious teenager, remember…….. it is all worth it! Having children has turned out to be the most rewarding and joyful thing in my life, that and having an understanding spouse.
Matt, congratulations !!!
Congrats! Churn Babies Churn!
Adding my congratulations to the chorus of good wishes. Welcome to the club!
And thanks to the rest of you too! busy and fun times ahead!
Congratulations.
Wait a second, was not your due date sometime in May 🙂 Anyway, congratulations on your stepping into a completely new path. We still have two more months left with my wife before Sofia gets born in a hospital we have not chosen yet 🙂
Congrats again.
Brings to mind that David Bowie song, you know, Changes
If you are feeling low sometimes just get an Ink Bold, it cures everything I hear. I can refer you lol.
I still can remember so vividly the first time baby son smiled to me one morning. It’s been downhill ever since, just kidding.
Matt,
What are you doing here? Go change some diapers 🙂
Savor this exquisite moment. You will experience fulfillment as your son grows. Congratulations !
Thank you, thank you! As you can see, being able to reply at 2:40am is quite a useful perk of being woken through the night 🙂 PS the bold is in the mail.
Congratulations. Enjoy this special time.
Enjoy Matt. Holding your first baby in a dark hospital room while your spouse sleeps inspires a whole new set of thoughts for you, and thoughts similar to those of us that have gone before.
Congratulations and Happy Father’s Day!
Somehow missed this post till now. Good writing on the bamboo. It always amazes me. And my heartiest congratulations to your entire family on the newborn.
Congrats to you and your wife! You are embarking now on the greatest journey that ever existed, in my opinion. You can’t even imagine the changes to come. Strength and flexibility and learning when each is appropriate is one of the most challenging and important aspects of parenting. It’s why I write about (and participate in) family travel. There’s nothing like it. Enjoy:-) and don’t worry, you WILL sleep again someday!
Thanks folks – sorry for the bulk replies – finding time between poop is tricky! Your words are much appreciated.
Robert – get that fricking hospital chosen out now!
Congrats, Matt!
It’s the beginning of a great adventure….
Congrats!! Just in time for Father’s Day. What a great gift 🙂
Congrats!
Woohoo!
One in a row!
John (now father of 4)!
Thank you thank you thank you! Again… being a dad means that replying to everyone is tough, but you are all appreciated very much! And John, Congrats to you!!!