True Deal Mommy Confession: I tag-teamed a DYKWIA on a ten year old.
I’m not proud of this story and I probably should explain. On a week long cruise, especially on a boat of only 500 people, we were bound to come across a Veruca Salt. (If you don’t know who Veruca Salt is, watch the original Gene Wilder version of Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, STAT.)
*I should start by letting you know I’m self aware enough to know there but the Veruca go I. On any given day it could have been my kid dishing it out- I’d like to think it’s not likely, but it’s certainly possible.
Our Veruca put all other Verucas to shame. A ten year old terror, she organized the girls on the boat into a four person queen team on day one. Nine year old Deal Girl was not included. Deal Girl really doesn’t care if she’s not in a clique (to her eternal credit) and had another friend on the boat. If that were the end of it, there would be no story.
However Veruca being Veruca, she needed to broadcast that her foursome was the ONLY place were cool kids resided and the rest of the girls on the ship were scum. She so commandeered the scavenger hunt that the cruise director changed the rules mid-game to suit her- even though ten other kids were already scavenging away. Veruca’s eye rolls struck fear in many kids (and apparently adults). At one point a fellow Mom felt the need to comfort a crushed girl (who she didn’t know) by telling her Veruca was being mean.
By day two I was over Veruca’s Mean Girl audition, but didn’t see the need to come to Deal Girl’s rescue. Deal Girl is just one of those people who knows she’s awesome so doesn’t feel the need to listen to others’ views if they disagree with her own on the matter. Her life will be so much better for having this skill.
I stood silently by as Veruca kicked kids out of the hot tub, announced that she was having a party (without inviting anyone nearby), bragged incessantly about how she had been on 12 Carnival and Disney cruises and just generally D-bagged it up in her loudest Veruca bluster. However, on day six she made a HUGE mistake: she directly went after my kid in front of me.
Fathom has a “Superhero” party the last night of the cruise. Deal Girl was beyond excited to show off her Superhero persona: “Gummy Girl: vanquishing the dreaded vegetable”. How could you not love this kid?
Well, Veruca found a way. We ran into her and her gaggle in the elevator and she interrogated Deal Girl: “What are YOU supposed to be? I don’t GET it. Who wants to be a candy superhero?”. The eyeroll accompanying Veruca’s taunt belongs in the eyeroll hall of fame.
At that point I snapped. Quickly remembering Veruca’s cruise one-upmanship I went for the jugular by sweetly asking Deal Girl, apropos of nothing, “Remember that time we slept in a Castle for a week?”.
Veruca’s mouth finally shut up. Even a ten year old knows a mic drop when she hears one.
Deal Girl, quickly seeing where I was going, didn’t miss a beat. As the elevator doors opened she turned to Veruca and smiled. “My Mom is a Traveling Mom. She’s kind of a big deal. Bye!”
I’d love to hear how you (better) handled a Veruca Salt coming after your kid on vacation. I’d prefer another way than encouraging my kid to out brag the braggart.
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