Always wanted to be a points & miles blogger? Now you can with my DIY blog post!

I think the biggest downside to the world of points & miles blogging–if indeed it can even be said to have a downside–is that there just aren’t enough people doing it. Everyone should be blogging about credit cards and frequent flyer miles! Well I have great news: starting today, thanks to an amazing new FREE tool from yours truly, everybody can! Time to start a blog and get rich, folks!

Just as Prometheus gave fire to the mortals, I bestow unto you the Blogtron 3030. It’s the world’s first self-writing points and miles blog post! The framework for a virtually unlimited supply of world-class blog posts is there. All you have to do is make a few selections from a list of choices and voila! Instant blog post.  Ready to press “publish”? Here you go:

Hi everybody, I am here to write about points and miles from the perspective of somebody who is ____(1)_____. Like many of you, ___(2)_____. In fact, just last month I was on a trip _____(3)____. Did you know that _____(4)_____? While  ______(5)_____ may seem like a big deal, it’s nothing compared to ______(6)_____. ______(7)_____?

(1)

a genius travel hacker

a woman

a parent

well compensated by major banks

remarkably thin-skinned

obsessive-compulsive

a plagiarist

an angry Greek immigrant

angry at angry Greek immigrants for some reason

sad because I got into points and miles blogging just a little too late to scoop up the low-hanging credit card referral fruit but I hide it reasonably well behind a mirthful veneer

under the thumb of major banking interests

(2)

I’m on a first name basis with the money order people at Walmart

I spend several hours per day at the airport overlook watching planes take off and land

my middle name is “Travel” and I was ruthlessly bullied for it as a child once they found out and to this day I don’t know what my parents were thinking giving me a name like that

I ground up my Chase Sapphire Reserve into dust and snorted it

I would like to dive into a pool except instead of water the pool is filled with Starwood points

my parents worked for an airline and I lived on a plane until I was eight years old

I have been stopped by the TSA for attempting to bring Schedule 3 drugs in my carry-on

I participate in a vigil for Amex Bluebird accounts

I enjoy eating, photographing and talking about airline food

I write in ways that optimize search engine results

I consider people who fly in coach to be sub-human

(3)

to the Park Hyatt Paris-Vendôme

to the Maldives

to the Park Hyatt Paris-Vendôme, then the Maldives, and then the Vendôme again… all in a single day, because mine is a life of luxury

where the flight attendants greeted me by name

to the world’s finest airport lounges

where the pilot let me sit in the cockpit and make airplane noises

where I was booked SFO-EWR-JFK-DXB-JFK-MIA-LOL-WTF-OMG-BBQ-SFO via LH/AA/AS/OW/OH/NO in F

to avenge my ancestors

to some hellhole that I’m going to make sound luxurious and fascinating

(4)

one Avios weighs 3.8 micrograms

it’s actually pronounced “mall-dives”

the Chase Sapphire Preferred contains a small amount of radioactive polonium

one hidden perk of the Chase Sapphire Reserve is its ability to bend the space-time continuum

the Amex Platinum has an AMAZING 40,000-point sign up bonus that you should get IMMEDIATELY

I’ve killed three deals this week, and I’m just getting started

I’ve never actually flown before and I’m living a lie

I golf with Jamie Dimon

reverse herringbone seats were named in honor of a fish

I’m 6’7″

(5)

Hilton Silver status

the Pulaski Bank Visa

another delay at O’Hare

the fact that American only has one low-level award fare available for the next 12 months, and it’s to Greenville, NC

these voices in my head

my seven-figure income

my foolproof method of defeating the Chase 5/24 rule

the fact that I have an entire room of my house filled with old gift cards and receipts

the “Meow Mix” commercial where the cat sings “meow meow meow meow”

(6)

something something Maldives

something something Lufthansa First Class

my mad packing skillz

my ego

that recent devaluation. Boy, that was some devaluation, wasn’t it? I do not like devaluations

that slightly subpar duck confit I had in first class last week

$150 in profit per approved application if you use my link

the insider’s guide to the Red Roof Inn–yours free when you sign up for my newsletter

the credit card numbers I have tattooed on my arm

my charity, which provides Rimowa amenity kits to under-pampered third world children

the vibrant urban fabric of every single place I visit

(7) 

What’s your favorite Avios

What’s your favorite Maldives island

What’s your favorite Hawaiian Airlines® World Elite MasterCard®

What’s your favorite thing about Spirit Airlines

Is anybody actually reading this

If you’re a big-time blogger, can you please link to me and juice my search rankings

I am currently held hostage in a points and miles content farm, can somebody please send help